There’s lots of different situations where we need to use communication.
For example, it may be where you need at work to get your people to deliver a better result or something better than they were doing before, in which case you need to learn how to be more effective communicator in the workplace.
In terms of you being a parent. So you’ve got, your children want to learn something new, something different. That’s going to later benefit them in life, in which case you want to learn how to be more effective as a parent.
It could be even in your relationship with your spouse your husband or your wife, where you want to communicate with them to do something differently from the way they’re currently doing it, in which case you need to be more effective as a communicator in a relationship.
Whichever the situation is. No matter which way around it is, we always have a starting point and a finish point. And communication is the vehicle that gets us from where we are now to where we want to go in the future.
Good communication with the person and others you have a relationship with benefits everyone you interact with when you’re a more effective communicator.
Today I want to talk about the frustrations that come hand in hand with having to communicate with other people.
How the breakdown in communication can often lead to a breakdown in relationships, which can actually ruin the experience for both of you when you’re communicating with other people. No one wants to go through life feeling stressed or feeling like they have to walk on eggshells when they’re communicating with other people.
Today we’re going to talk about three tips on how to communicate more effectively and specifically how to manage the frustration that that inevitably comes in communicating with other people.
Tip Number One – Setting Realistic Expectations
Whenever you’re communicating with someone and you want them to move from where they are now to where you want them to go. You’re always going to have to be realistic in your expectations.
If you set your expectations too high, people aren’t going to deliver. The way that you can tell this is if you, if you need to give someone a long set of instructions or a long list of bullet points to enable them to do that job, the chances are you’re already planning for them to fail.
The way you can tell is if you’ve got like 10 or 20 bullet points or top 10 or 20 things that they need to learn or they need to do differently and then they’re not going to deliver on what it is that you want them to do.
What you need to do is break it down into points of three or four points at a time, which is much more manageable for people to learn.
Let them learn how to do those three or four things, become proficient in those three or four things, and then give them another three or four, four things to do. Now obviously that does mean that you’re not going to get that the success that you wanted, you’re not going to get to that end result straight away because it’s going to take five or six attempts of three or four points at a time.
But it is by far the quickest way to change people’s behavior and get that success that you want. And it also does it in such a way that takes away the negative points that can come with communication.
It’s good practice to make sure you’ve got realistic expectations of the people you work with. Another point that is related to this is to just watch your judgments of people because this is something that’s related to realistic expectations.
When you judge someone say : that they’ve been in the job for a certain amount of time, they should know how to do this because they are a, whatever their title is, or maybe with they are a child, this would sound like : they should know how to do this, they’re six years old.
That judgment actually stops you from trying to improve them and you get all caught up in the reason that they’re not doing it is because they are intentionally not doing it well. They’re not trying hard enough when in fact the real problem is they don’t have the skill to do that job yet.
So watch out for judgments, it tends to be things like they should know how to do this. They’re five years old. They should know how to do this. Their manager, they should know how to do this, their teacher, or perhaps it’s time served, they’ve been with the company for five years.
Watch out for those judgements. And if you catch yourself saying those judgments, just do a little rewind and make sure that you’re setting these three or four points to help that person improve in the skill and you’re going to get to that success that you want.
Tip Number 2 – Self Awareness
Self awareness is all about coming across the way that you mean to to come across. That is to say, whatever you say and whatever you do comes across the way you intended it to come across to that person. Now if you find yourself in such a situation where perhaps you’re, walking away from a conversation and you feel like the person is angry or has withdrawn from being engaged in the conversation with you then the chances you need to work on yourself awareness.
Whenever you communicate with people, you want to look for signs that you didn’t come across the way that you intended to come across.
Something you said or did, didn’t come across the way you intended it to, the person didn’t react to the way that you expected them to react. Then you know you need to tweak what you’re doing. And change it to become more effective. By doing that, every time you learn something new, you’re going to make your communication more effective, which means that people are gonna react the way you expect them to react and you’re going to get people from where they are to where you want them to be much, much quicker.
You’re also be able to prevent those situations where the conversation blows up, everything breaks down, communication breaks down, relationships break down and everything just ends up in a big mess, which is obviously going to be detrimental to your long term success as a leader or manager. So watch out for that. Self awareness is a Big Part of communication.
Tip Number Three point – Think Win/Win.
This is illustrated in the book, 7 habits of highly effective people, using the story of the goose that laid the golden egg. So if the goose is, fed and loved, it will continue to produce golden eggs for the owner.
If the goose is fed but not loved it all stay alive, but it won’t produce the eggs.
If it’s loved but not fed. Obviously the goose dies.
So how does this translate into the world of communications? In communication we’re looking at fairness and respect. If you don’t treat people fairly, they’re not going to produce the results that you want them to produce, the golden egg, and if you don’t treat people respect, that relationship’s going to begin to breakdown to the point that it doesn’t exist anymore or it’s a very negative relationship and it might as well not exist anymore.
Think WIN/WIN is super important to your long term success and can make a huge difference over a long span of time on how effective you are as a communicator and what results you can actually produce.
So let’s have a quick recap on what we’ve discussed today. So Tip 1 first of all, we covered about setting realistic expectations. That was making sure that people, what you are asking people to achieve is close to what they’re already doing. If you’re not doing that, the chances are you are planning for them to fail.
Tip number two today was about self awareness and making sure you come across in a way that you intend to come across or what you say and what you do gets the reaction from people that you expect. Self Awareness helps you avoid those harmful up situations.
And tip number three today was create those think win/win, create those win, win situations. And we talked about fairness and respect and the importance of these in communication.
No matter what, what’s happening in people’s lives, we all have issues. We all have our problems, we all have things that frustrate us. But when you drill into it, when you think down deep, most of those issues are people related issues. And in specific, specifically in the way people behave.
Learning to manage your frustrations better and using the three tips we discussed today we ensure that not only can you get to where you want to go quickly, you can also be a lot more satisfied in the way that you do it too, and be a lot more successful than what you do.
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